Sex in the Middle Ages (Part 2)

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The Middle Ages may have been a sexually repressive time, but despite all efforts of the Church to make sex feel like a sin, people found a way. When there’s a libido, there’s always a way!) Here are some ways that sensuality reared its head. (Pun only slightly intended.)

My codpiece is bigger than yours

The most fashionable (and virile) men of their time wore codpieces: a flap or pouch that attached to the front of the crotch of men’s trousers, and skillfully draped in such a way that it exaggerated the genitals. Many men stuffed these with sawdust or cloth, or chose larger crotches to give the idea of an erect penis. “Codpiece” comes from the Middle English word, cod, which means scrotum.

Even the shoes were symbols of virility. The long, pointy shoes called poulaines were also supposed to symbolize the penis size. Well, if the shoe fits…

The Church called them “the fashions of the devil” but many people didn’t care. Both the codpiece and the poulaine were captured in paintings, such as those of Dutch artist, Pieter Breugel. There is a portrait of Henry VIII wearing both.

It feels so good to be so bad

Women were also known to use and hide dildos. One penitential book that documented punishments for sin exhorts, “Have you done what certain women are accustomed to do, that is to make some sort of device or implement in the shape of the male member of a size to match your sinful desire? If you have done this, you shall do penance for five years on legitimate holy days.”

Poets also made fun of the dildo, many of which were imported from Italy. One verse said: “You ladies all of merry England Who have been to kiss the Duchess’ hand, Pray, did you not lately observe in the show A noble Italian called Signor Dildo?”

The world dildo only emerged in the Renaissance period, supposedly because its shape resembled a small elongated loaf of bread flavored with dill, thus “dilldough.” Well it did spice things up.

The oldest profession

Prostitution was a thriving industry during the Middle Ages. It was considered an honest and essential profession. The Church even approved of it, because it was a “necessary evil that prevented adultery and homosexuality.” St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church and one of the strictest theologians, wrote: “If prostitution were to be suppressed, careless lusts would overthrow society.” The prostitutes often worked their trade in brothels (called “stews”) and wore a veil with a yellow stripe to identify themselves. Brothels were considered the safest place for prostitutes who risked violence or imprisonment if they worked outside of their walls.

Condoms of the Middle Ages

The Church was less concerned about contraception then, more obsessed with “unnatural” sex acts rather than what people used. Condoms were made of animal bladders and intestines, secured with twine, and then washed for reuse. Eventually they were made of linen.

Women also made a primitive form of spermicide fromdates, acacia bark and honey mixed into a paste. The cloth was soaked in this and then inserted in vagina.

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Sex in the Middle Ages (Part 1)

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We’re lucky to live in a time of sexual liberation. But it wasn’t always this way – back in the Middle Ages, sex was loaded with rules and laced with guilt. (Throw in the Black Plague and the fact that they didn’t have indoor plumbing, and you know that Life Pretty Much Sucked.) Here are just some of ideas and sex practices from that merry Medieval period.

Sex was spiritual – but not in the fun way

The Church believed that the soul was perfect and the body was weak and ridden with unhealthy desires. So the only sexual expression that was supported was “courtly love” – pure affection and desire, but felt from afar and never indulged. Think of the Knight in love with the married woman he was sworn to protect. It was unrequited and a recipe for blue balls, but it was poetic. One scholar of the Middle Ages described it as “at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendent”. Today, we label it “stalker mentality” and a sign that you need to move on.

Sex was only acceptable in marriage

They actually called anyone who had sex outside of marriage as “fornicators” – and it was a crime punishable by prison and disembowelment. Adulterers had it worse: priests were required to report them, and if they weren’t stoned they were hauled to the dungeons. In some cases, the priests were a bit more forgiving. The “sinners” were “just” forced to marry, although some would argue this could end up feeling like a prison too.

Missionary or bust

Ever wonder why the guy-on-top is called missionary? Because for centuries this was the only position supported by the Church, because it was a “natural” reflection of male-female roles. Women on top, or taking her from the rear (called a tergo) was a sin. Never mind if those positions brought pleasure, because as far as the Medieval Church was concerned, sex was for procreation. Sexual positions that deviated from the accepted norm had to be confessed as a sin, and were punished by years of penance.

Some progressive theologians – progressive for their time, anyway – did give a bit more leeway. Albertus Magnus ranked five “acceptable” positions: 1) missionary, 2) side-by-side, 3) sitting, 4) standing and 5) a tergo. He said missionary was the best, but the other four were “morally questionable but not mortally sinful. In certain situations, however, (such as extreme obesity), these other positions could be not only acceptable but even practical.” Ooh, what a relief.

Homosexuality was a sin

Unfortunately this is one Medieval belief that continues to exist today. In fact, the Church went on to list all the homosexual acts – or any acts other than vaginal intercourse — that were “against nature”: solitary masturbation, mutual masturbation, copulation between the thighs (interfemoral sex), and copulation “in the rear,” or anal sex (the last phrase was so upsetting to some readers, it was often left out).

Came to the point that “sodomy” could be punished by burning at the stake, hanging, or caging/starvation until death.

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Can’t get no (sexual) satisfaction

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Middle-aged sex can feel a lot like a McDonald’s drive through. Pull up (or pull it out), get it, eat it, and move on. It takes five minutes, tops, and while it can be filling, it is anything but satisfying

When did sex get so boring? Remember when you were 16 years old and sex was everything? You looked forward to it. It wasn’t always easy to get (your parents could walk in any time, and you were never sure if your date would let you get past first date). But once, in the words of Marvin Gaye, you “got it on”, it was mind blowing. You walked out the door feeling like the king of the world.

It’s hard to recapture the thrill of sex in our teens. For many of us, sex becomes as routine as the rest of our middle aged lives: work, bills, sleep, surf, go to sleep and repeat when the alarm goes off in the morning.

Life is too short for routine, boring, middle-aged sex.

And that’s what Langtrees escort directory is for.

Remember how it feels like to really want someone you were absolutely sure was too hot for your league, but for some minor miracle, is into you too. Feel how good it is to be bad. Flirt again. Feel that stirring between your thighs, and the quickening in your heart when you realize what you’ll be doing that night. Booking an escort isn’t just about sex. It’s about the sex that you thought you never could have again. It’s the sex of your teenage fantasies, it’s the passion that we haven’t felt in decades, it’s the sense of adventure and thrill that we left behind when we started thinking of mortgages and credit card payments. Yes, we’re responsible adults who lead very respectable lives, but there’s a part of us that we left a long time ago – and we can recover in the arms of a beautiful woman (or two).

It’s not dangerous sex (in fact, Langtrees strongly advocates safe sex). It’s not illegal sex (both the Australia and New Zealand sex industry is perfectly regulated and permitted). It’s, quite simply, hot sex. Discreet, passionate, mindblowing, and with no strings attached – pure pleasure and fantasy, the way it was when you were a carefree teenager.

Physically, you’ll get a release from the stress and all the benefits of regularly cleaning out your pipes. There are numerous findings on the benefits of having an orgasm at least twice a week, and even more emotional and mental health benefits that make a regular escort booking as vital to your overall health as taking Vitamin C. But more than that, for a few hours, you escape your middle-aged life and remember what it felt like to want something – and be wanted. It’s desire, pleasure, and feeling alive. Book an escort today.

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Sex moves that could get you in the hospital

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Sex injuries are rare, and usually happen because of where people are having sex versus what they’re actually doing. For example, there was that case of a mysterious couple that plunged to their death after having sex at castle ruins by the cliff. However there are a few moves that can strain your muscles, and lead to (get ready to cringe, gentlemen) a “broken penis.” Kids, don’t try this at home

The kinky chef

She’s sitting on the kitchen counter, and you’re getting it on. Except the counter is really high and you have to tiptoe to reach her. The risk, says Harvard psychology and sexuality professor Justin Lehmiller, is that in your enthusiasm you either hit her pubic bone or the counter. Anything that involves a Swiss Ball You know those giant balls they have in gyms that help you add excitement to your exercise routine? Here’s a tip: keep them in the gym. While sitting on the ball during sex can add bounce to your boink, it will creates an unusual amount of up and down inertia. If you slip out, and she crashes down on you with her full weight, uhm… that’s gonna hurt.

The Cowgirl + Lean Back

She’s on top of you, how hot. But instead of leaning forward, she leans back — waaaay back. This hyperextends your penis. While this won’t break your penis oat first point, doing this a lot may cause peyronie’s disease, where plaque accumulates in the areas and makes your penis bend when it’s erect. Stop or change angles if you feel a tugging at the penis.

The Pogo Stick

You’re both standing, you’re holding up her weight, and naturally bending backward to take the weight. Then, to get it on, you start flexing your knees and bouncing her.

This move may look hot in porn movies, but you’re going to strain your back and possibly drop her. Find a wall. Or a bed. Or a sofa.

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6 Ingredients that can Lower your Libido

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Do you feel your libido has dipped recently? Experts say that stress, side effects of medication, or hidden health issues can all play a part. Another factor is food. Just as oysters and dark chocolate are said to be aphrodisiacs, certain foods are said to dampen your desires.

Licorice

Yeah, we were surprised to see this on the list too! This candy contains phytoestrogens, a compound that has been known to affect sex drive in both men and women. Especially men. Phytoestrogens can make testosterone dip. Have a gummy bear instead.

Coffee

Hmm, this is mixed. Coffee can improve your sex drive, but only at certain levels. If you’ve had way too much, you can have trouble settling down. And if you’re already very excited or very anxious – say, you’re about to go to a booking with an escort and you’re nervous about meeting her for the first time – then that coffee is going to send you over the edge.

Salmon and other ocean fish

The problem lies in the buildup of mercury and toxins in fish. Some kind of fish tend to absorb these toxins more: swordfish, shark, ahi tuna, mackerel, grouper, sea bass and bluefish. Smaller fish and seafood — such as trout, shrimp, salmon, oysters and whitefish – are generally safer to eat.

Refined carbohydrates

Refined carbs are bad for so many, many, many reasons. Heart disease, obesity, diabetes, sugar crashes and migraines – and now, lowering testosterone. Why don’t we stop? Because French fries and chips are so amazing. But sex is even better. So what do you want, a great burger or great sex?

Mint

Now, to be clear, mint has awesome benefits. But taking it in large amounts (like in mint salads and liberally minted drinks every single day) can affect testosterone. Don’t let that stop you from taking a breath mint right before your time with your escort.

Alcohol

A glass of wine can help you get into the mood, but once you’re tipsy, the romance (and the rest of your body parts) will start to go downhill. Alcohol dehydrates the body, which can make it more difficult for women to lubricate and for men to get it up. If you want to start your booking with dinner and drinks and just continue the party at your hotel room, drink a glass of water after every alcoholic drink.

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What to expect at a prostate massage

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Curious about prostate massages and prostate orgasms, but afraid of the possible mess or pain? This article can help dispel some myths or at least tell you what you can expect.

Will it make me poop?

Anything dealing with the rectum and anus can make a bit of a mess. You can prevent that by anal douching or enemas, but you can get by with going to the bathroom at least an hour before everything, and a hot and thorough shower! Just to be safe, cover the bed with towel.

You should also urinate right before your massage, because the prostate and bladder are right next to each other, and stimulation can make you want to go just when things are getting fun!

What will happen during the prostate massage?

You will be asked to lie down, your lower back propped up with pillows, knees bent and legs spread out. Then, your sphincter and perineum – the muscles around the anus and testicles) will be slowly massaged until they relax. You may develop an erection, but don’t get distracted at this point. Prostate orgasms are more intense and worth the wait!

Then, even more sphincter massage, but with lots and lots of lubricant. Try not to tense up. Breathe deeply and lose yourself in the sensation. As you relax, the fingers go slowly in… You may feel the need to go to the bathroom, which is a natural reaction, but if you’ve emptied yourself you’re fine. Finally, the prostate is massaged. Some people like a light, steady pressure, while others like the prostate pressed repeatedly. You’ll find out what you’ll like, but in general, it’s important to keep the touch gentle. The touch may feel odd at first, but stay with it – the pleasure is incredible. Many men become instantly erect when the prostate is stimulated for a short period of time.

Will it be deep penetration?

No. The prostate is not as deep as you think (usually about 2 inches in the rectum).

Can I do it myself?

Yes. You’ll need gloves (or if you’re not, make sure your fingernails are short and filed smooth), personal lubricant. But we recommend that you get a prostate massage from someone else before you try it on yourself. It’ll give you an idea of what feels right and – just as importantly — what feels good.

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Have you ever had a prostate orgasm?

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You may have heard about prostate orgasms, where the prostate gland is massaged to get semen to flow. It was once considered a purely medical treatment for prostatis and BPH (Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy), but actually, people are finding out that it just feels darned good.

:The male g-spot is one of the most sensitive places on the human body. There are a ton of nerves there, and given the fact that the prostate is extremely connected the sexual response, the orgasm that comes from prostate massage and stimulation can be incredible,” says Jenny, who gives prostate massages and writes about prostate orgasms in her guide to finding “The Male G Spot”

Now, many Australian and New Zealand escorts offer prostrate massages as a special service. It’s purely for pleasure, to make an orgasm even more intense, but the health benefits are still there.

There are many studies that say that men who ejaculate 5 times a week or more have a lower risk for BPH, inflammation, and cancer. In other words, keep those pipes clean! Prostate massages are good for your health – think of it as the regular checkup you never want to miss.

If you do suffer medical conditions that can cause what doctors call “prostate distress” then prostate massages can “soothe, nourish the gland, and relieve painful symptoms.” Experts say that for those who have prostate problems, these prostate orgasms are better than masturbation because you won’t cause any uncomfortable swelling during stimulation.

Australian and New Zealand escorts can give gentle and stimulating prostate massages that get your blood flowing – in more ways than one!

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5 sex toys that everyone is secretly buying

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We’re ecstatic that people are going out of their sexual comfort zone and exploring new ways of giving and receiving pleasure. There was even a spike in interest in BDSM, thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, but the movie can’t take sole credit. Sex toy manufacturer Lelo has been seeing a steady rise in sex toy purchases for many years. The five top sex toys to sell in 2015 are:

1. WHIPS (Jump in sales: 50%)

“Contrary to popular belief, a whip’s purpose is to deliver a light stinging sensation coupled with a naughty sound, not extreme pain. A whip signifies control, making its holder the dominant one during sex. While the degree of sensation delivered is up to you and your partner, most whip-play is light and, when paired with other forms of verbal and non-verbal communication, adds a risky, frisky touch to foreplay and intercourse,” says Lelo.

2. BLINDFOLDS (Jump in sales: 80%)

Blindfolds help heighten sensation. “In addition, according to sexologists, while men are most turned on by what they see, women are most turned on by what they feel,” says Lelo

3. HANDCUFFS (Jump in sales: 100%)

When the pleasure of foreplay and intercourse become too intense, it’s not uncommon for us grab our partners hand or wrist or squirm our hips, even though the passionate sensations are exactly what our body desires. Being handcuffed forces our bodies to do what our minds want them to do—nothing. Restraint leaves our bodies with no other option than to fully enjoy the intensity of sex.

4. COUPLES’ VIBRATORS (Jump in sales: 200%)

“No human body part can provide the frequency, stamina and subsequent orgasm-inducing sensations of a vibrator (sorry guys),” says Lelo. They’re not just for women, too. The new couples’ vibrators pleasure both of you at the same time, bringing you to new heights of battery-powered pleasure

5. BEN WA BALLS (Jump in sales: 400%)

These are also called geisha balls and luna beads, and they work with your body movements to send you through eddies of pleasure.

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Breaking stereotypes of sexiness

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One of the things we’re really proud about our escort directory is its sheer diversity. You’ll find many male and female escorts from Australia and New Zealand — all of them sexy in their own way. They have different hair styles and hair colors, body shapes, ethnic backgrounds, and sexual orientations. Their sexuality and sensuality are unique, and their special personality and experience make their escort services incredibly personal and unique.

If there’s anything you can learn from looking at all the Austsralian and New Zealand adult services listed on Langtrees, its’ that there’s no one path to pleasure. We frown on the moralists who go into apoplectic shock at the mere thought of threesomes or BDSM, or self-appointed Sex Police who say that homosexual love (or, indeed, escorting as a whole) is a sign of some deep-rooted trauma or perversion. They think there is only one “right” way of being sexual, one “acceptable” way of expressing one’s desires — when our desires and sensuality are as beautifully complex as our humanity.

For example, just because you want to try out bondage for one night, and want your escort to tie you up and spank you, doesn’t mean that you have a submissive personality and a history of abuse! You may be, in fact, a very well-adjusted, successful go-getter in real life, who wants to let go of control for just one night, and experience the sweet satisfaction of putting your pleasure in the hands of a capable dominatrix. It’s a fantasy fulfilled — a fantasy that corresponds to one part of yourself, but doesn’t make a statement of who you are as a person.

Maybe you like golden showers or sploshing, or have a fetish that most people “don’t get”. They don’t need to “get it”. Just because your turn-ons aren’t shared by many people doesn’t make it any less valid than others’. You just need to find an escort who shares this fetish, and is willing to do it. As long as the fetish is fulfilled between two consenting adults, and doesn’t consume you to the point that you can’t function in day to day life, then you don’t need to get help (just get a booking).

Celebrate and accept your unique sensuality! Break past the boundaries and explore your desires. That’s what Langtrees escort directory is all about. Here, we understand that your sensuality is personal, your desires are unique, and your sexual adventures are private.

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9 facts that will make you see sperm in a whole new way

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You’re probably well acquianted (and quite fond of) your man bits. You love it. Take care of it. Spend lots of quality, one-on-one time with it. But how well do you know your sperm? Here are 9 interesting facts about your swimmers.

Sperm can live longer than you think Did you know male sperm can live up to five days inside a woman’s vagina? Out in the elements, it can survive up to a few hours. Yeah, probably a good idea to change the sheets.

50% of your sperm is deformed We’re talking two heads, funky tails. That’s probably why Mother Nature screens out them out as they swim up the vaginal canal. Only the strongest, healthiest sperm actually make it to the egg.

Most sperm swim in circles Only half of the sperm actually head for the target. Most of them swim in circles, completely clueless about where to go, and unwilling to ask directions. Typical.

A spoonful of sugar? The average load can fill half a teaspoon. You’d think, since it’s such a small amount, that more girls would agree to swallow.

They’ve got helmet heads Sperm have a helmet-like covering that’s packed with chemicals that can drill into the egg once it’s reached touchdown.

Sperm is not semen Sperm is just one part of semen. Semen also contains substances from the prostate and a pair of rabbit ear-shaped organs inside the pelvis called the seminal vesicles. These vesicles provide the fuel for your swimmers to keep swimming, and swimming, and swimming. Think of it as their version of coffee.

Million strong Every time you orgasm, you release as many as 2 million sperm. Only one of them will actually penetrate the egg, if it hasn’t already been blocked by your extra-strength condoms, or wiped off with a wad of tissue.

You produce sperm every day until you die Of course the quality of the sperm will deteriorate as you grow older, but your factory never closes. Women, on the other hand, are born with all their eggs.

Size doesn’t matter Sperm is about .002 inches or 50 micrometers, but you produce so much that if you line up your sperm from one orgasm in a little sperm army, the line would reach 6 miles.

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